| Week 9 …A Tough Scoliety, But da Bears We’re Weak. Oh My! Holy shit…the weather was therating…the flames were flying…but a pretty good gathering, made it for the weekly meeting of the Scoliety. "Me Jude" Had a new member, da visitor, till next week…we’ll call her da Cheesehead., "Me Jude". Da Cook once again came bout 30 minuets late…though justified (ha). Once there he had a hard time parking in the back 2/’s. Seems like there was a stop sign that he didn’t want to violate. Da Cook needed an affirmative wave to park before he crossed the no parking line. Once settled in, we noticed the barrel, donated by the executives at Metro Metals, provided ample warmth. The Executive Committee arrived in an untimely matter as they usually do. There was a bit of excitement in the air knowing there would be a coo in attempt to bring the impeached Commish back into his rightful position. Mom JA asked the keeper of the Guard Dogs if she could drive the electric car.. She proclaimed she wasn’t drunk…so he said no, this vehicle is operated only by the alcohol impaired. Da Sarge once again brought the mobile living room and we finally go to watch a real pre-game show. Da Treas was there in his new freshly christen ride… where were da keys and Nurse Nancy the night before??? Anyway, seems like the Executive Committee are lavishing on new rides. Da Commish states the BMW will not work for him, …it’s got be a Bennie. The entire gang was at the back 2/3’s excluding da Chaplain and da Sexarery, who were hoping to be rich in fortune at the Breeders Cup, Mr. & Mrs. Pittsburgh and Bloody Mary Roger don’t need an excuse, and Jimmy da Greek who was at da Game. Otherwise all were there and obnockish as always. Da Treas was busy making the da bets that the Scoliety | and others were somewhat sad about. We’d love ya da Treas if you were only hip!!! A new executive position, non-paying mind you, was voted in. We now have an OFFICAL Keeper of the Fire…da Spot. TJ was quite proud of his recognition until da Keeper felt like he wanted to trim his beard over da fire. Mr. & Mrs. Da Coach were in true form with Mrs. Da Coach showing off her da Bears button. Da Dough brought us da Shrimp, tasty, Pork Ribs by #87, Meatball from da Cheesehead, TJ states that da Fire Keeper made da Sloppy Joe’s, da Cook did the taters and da Commish wanted da Brats. Da Chief of da week was Bard for her tasty Pretzel Sticks she bought from Mohammed at the local 7/11. Way yo go Bard!!! The Official Business meeting was brought about by da Sarge who went through a little rap in letting us know either the meeting was starting, or he was going to L.A. this week. The main topic was the reinstatement of da Commish. Da Commish refuted his position in sympathy to da Nute. Tried to sway him with the Bennie, but no way Jose. For the betterment of the Scoliety he resigns…right, we’ll discuss this again next Sunday Birthday Boy!! Me Jude. It should be noted that Me Jude made da cake that was enjoyed by many until a file was found in the center of it. I think da cake was one she was baking for da Todd. Me Jude. The TimeKeeper said it’s timer for the Stadium, da Fireman said it’s time to stoke the barrel up with wood, da Treas said da bets were made and we headed off to the Stadium. |
| 'Da Game Once again we were blessed with Ms. Mel and da Gee A Dick as our hostess. With a smile on her face and no fur on the Gee A Dick our needs were met with da Board, da Beer, and a really sad game. Half time came and once again we were close. We made our way to the back 2/3’s for da food, da beer and da warmth. The barrel was really heating up by now. Half time in the back 2/3’s was somewhat extended. Da Cook reheated da food and everyone ate again. The Timekeeper was a little lax in letting us know the time…who cares…a good time was had by all. Me Jude We made our way back to the Stadium in hopes of a great second half. Good thought, but the only thing about the second half was good was da conversation, da beer and da boards. Me Jude proudly pronounced that Mrs. Da Coach won once again at the Matey’s Chip and da Cook informed all that da Sarge had won the other board. Mrs. Da Coach bought a round for the Scoiety. Those members who did not receive da communion, which da Chaplain stated is part of the by-law, looses out. This is in pursuant to section 9.d.4e of the by-laws. It was time to part and only the die hards stayed to 6…ain’t that right TJ. "Me Jude" A Moment Of Thanks and Recognition Me Jude Newsletter Cost Increase Due too, to much beer, to much betting, or to much love for da Bears, and in the best interest of the Scoliety and the Executive Branch, who are not only in pay status but also with new rides, the cost of the snooze letter is being increased to help off set the increase in expenditures the Executive Committee foresees. (This announcement is paid for by the friends of the Commish who needs a Bennie, and the SIA, da Scoliety Intelligence Agency, a for profit organization) | Next Week’s Game Our 2 and 6 Chicago Bears will visit the Detroit Lions next Sunday. This will be a tough game for the Scoiety members to attend since kick off will be at 7:20 PM. The gathering of the members in the back 2/3’s will be at 5:00 PM. Da Sarge stated the portable Stadium lights may be furnished. Bring da beer, da food and da paper bags for it will be an ugly game! Nurse Nancy Fan Club Due to the increase interest in Nurse Nancy, Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick has established the Nurse Nancy Fan Club. By sending $1.00 to the Commish of the fan club, Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick, you will receive an official Nurse Nancy button, subscription to the Nurse Nancy Newsletter and phone sex with Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick. Take advantage of this limited time offer by sending your $1.00 to The Nurse Nancy Fan Club C/O da Treas High Top Table Matey’s Restaurant and Beer Garden Matey’s , Indiana  Me Jude |
| Weak 8, and Yes We Were! What a difference a week makes…from a record crowd to a record low number of Scoiety members present for our "Steelers Appreciation" week. In accordance with last week’s newsletter, fined will be levied on no-shows at next week’s regular meeting. Those who did show had a great spread to feast upon. ‘Da Rookie, old #87 delighted ‘da Scoiety with a killer veggie tray, in which ‘da treasurer promptly seasoned with hole punches. Miss B brought ‘da bacon buns, and an array of egg dishes were brought to accompany them…boiled from ‘da Coach and Mrs. ‘da Coach, who were, by the way, decked out in Bears regalia, deviled eggs from TJ and Spot, who quickly traded eggs for Mimosa’s, and of course ‘da drunk…er, I mean ‘da cook, who did a scrambled omelet which was tasty, but a little loose, kinda like ‘da cook! Fortunately, ‘da Chaplain had received confession earlier from an unnamed source, so we were all forewarned of his present condition. It was mentioned to ‘da treasurer that maybe this week’s wagering should be on ‘da cook, how much he could go over without going under. Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick was busy doing ‘da treasurers job, collecting bucks and punching ‘da cards. Our newest members are ‘da rag-baggers, Cindy and Fred, who were on their way to "Sunday’s at Mom’s" but managed to attend. Jimmy ‘da Greek was first in - first out, citing another case of jet-lag for his early departure, and 36X30 actually had a day off and could come out and play! Jim "give a Double-D cup" Doubleday announced the Scoiety is | welcome to attend his Tupperware party this coming Wednesday at 7:30 p.m. Jan arrived late, but in enough time to provide taxi services with Joe Brothershead for ‘da drunk, er, I mean ‘da cook, who decided to bail at half time, and handed over newsletter responsibilities to ‘da sexatary. Hopefully NoNo Joe will be back at the PC next week. Half-time lingered a little longer than anticipated, as ‘da treasurer provided bake sale items. At the time of this newsletter, an undisclosed amount had been collected, with the possibility of additional revenue, via Metro Metals office personnel. Jeff was he only half-time addition, but during the third quarter half of our bikers showed, Muscle Man and Surfer Dude livened up and otherwise quiet Scoiety group. What can we say, no Bears, no Captain and First Mate waving terrible towels…..but at least we could watch Gingers "Gee-A-Dick" grow. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: It was brought to the attention of the Scoiety that the attendance record of ‘da Commish is extremely poor, and that he is setting a bad example for the rest of the Scoiety members. Therefore in accordance with Article One, section 2, ‘da Commish was officially impeached. In an effort to reserve our treasury, it was decided that another "non-paid woman" should be elected, so a vote was taken, and our new Commish is none other than Nurse Nancy! Her attendance is also poor, but at least she does not receive a salary. |
| 'Da Game What can I say…it just wasn’t ‘da Bears, so I really didn’t pay that much attention. Ginger was tickled with her birthday gift, and bestowed kisses on Scoiety members. Beers were kept on ice, and went down too smooth! ‘Da board was won by none other than Me Judy, who joined us after her time was served. ‘Da Attorney General made his rounds, moaning something about Cheeseheads and Green Bay. ‘Da taxi team pulled a disappearing act for a while, but returned for the last few plays. ‘da ex-commish finally arrived and the bad news was dealt to him. He did mention something about a grand jury investigation, so I think this will not be the last we hear on this subject. He was last seen consulting with ‘da Sgt. Of Arms. All and all, it was a great day, and at least ‘da Bears didn’t loose! | Da Classifieds Classifieds Ads submission must be made by Monday noon. To reply to a classified ad please call 1-900-IM A FOOL. Personals Missing: One large SkipperLiner, goes by the name of "Why Not, Matey?" last seen headed south with Scoiety members "Mr. Pittsburgh", "Terrible Towel Carole", and "RogoMate" on board. "da Stockman was dispatched as a search party, but as of yet, no word heard. Fearing possible hostage situation in an attempt to extort treasury funds. If found, return immediately to Matey’s, administer large quantities of alcohol. Missing: One slightly used Membership Card, registered to "Da Cook". If found, please return, trying to avoid $35.00 penalty fee. ***/ZZZ |
| Week 7 and da Bears Show Up…Oh My! It was a record crowd in the back 2/3’s as the Tailgate Scoiety gathered for da fun, da food and da beer. Dave was on cue as he brought da Guard Dogs and da furniture. Funny thing it seemed like we were in his living room, or was it Memorex. Da Sarge came in the new ride complete with the tube so we could catch any pre-game show. Miss B was filming and said da web site may have video’s. Da Stockman arrived with his assistant, Ms. KC, as they set up to prepare da feast. Da Cook was going to be off duty until the Biker Boys and Girl showed up. Seems like they wanted da Breast to eat so da Kitchen went into action. Don’t wanna piss da Bikers off! Da Treas was kept busy collecting da cash and punching da cards. Da Guard dogs received there official membership cards but da Treas couldn’t quite figure how to punch them. Da Treas was just a little late, but with a valid excuse. Seems like he went on a mission of mercy trying to rescue Nurse Nancy, but she couldn’t be found. For the second week in a row the Executive Committee blessed us with their presents, Oh my! Miss B and the Chaplain brought a Bears hat that was raffled as a fund raiser. Da Treas and Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick collect the money for da Hat, and da Sarge was going to pick the lucky name. Biker Mussel Dude said he and the Boys didn’t get a chance on the hat. So the drawing was postponed until four more chances were sold. Told you, don’t wanna piss the Biker Boys off! Da Sarge pulled Jimmy the Greeks name out of the hat as the lucky winner. Jimmy the Greek donated the hat back to the Scoiety , so da Sarge started the drawing again. Seems like the only name in the hat was Jimmy the Greek, cause after six draws that was the only name pulled. Being the kind of dudes they are, da Bikers thought of another fund raiser…Harley Rides for a buck. Biker Mussel Man took JA, Biker Surfer Dude took Scott’s MA, Biker Thermometer Head took Biker Classy Bitch and the Scoiety was up another three bucks. It | was time for the feast and what a feast it was, but first the Chaplain had us bow our heads in a moment of prayer dedicated to good food, a great game, da Beck’s and da Bears. The Hobo Stew was a killer, thank you da Stockman and Ms. KC. Biker Mussel Man said the Breast were great, thank you da Cook. TJ’s Scott brought Celery stuffed with Shrimp, Miss B had the Cornbread, Bard had the Pumpkin Pie and Cool Whip, Scott’s Jaime brought sweet rolls, da Cook provided the Cheese chunks and everyone brought a can of veggie’s. Da Commish was busy chowing so he delegated da Sarge to start the official meeting. A vote was taken to take the points for 10 and buy 1 square on the board. The Scoiety voted da Stockman as Chef of the week and a discussion was held regarding the confessional not being open ten minutes prior to the party. It seemed some sinners were in need of his advice and he was no where to be found. The Chaplain stated that the only advice he could give anyone today was, he was drinking Beck’s. Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick brought her employee who was on duty…maybe we’ll be in the paper again. Mr. Roger and Babs were chillin with their Bloody Mary’s and Mr. & Mrs. Pittsburgh checked in to welcome all. The Scoiety gathered to sing Bears song which was led by Sing Along With Mitch, the Timekeeper said it was time to clean up and head for the Stadium. Da Game The Stadium had a capacity crowd and our hostess this week was Miss Pam, who was quite busy most of the day. The Boards were full and da Chaplain and da Cook put the numbers on the board. Da Cheerleaders were waiving the poms and da Cook was blowing the horn. It was a great first half. The Scoiety was up by six we all headed for the back 2/3’s for more food and beer. Seemed like the longest half time, or maybe we just stayed in the back 2/3’s a little to long. What else can be said about the game, not a lot cause I (continued Page 2) |
| (continued from Page 1) really don’t remember a lot. But da Bears won, da Scoiety won and Me Jude and da Stockman hit the Boards. Da Stockman bought a round for everyone and the Scoiety adjourned till next week. POLICE BLOTTER for Week Ending 10/24/98 AP/UPI Dateline 10/23. SIA (Scoiety Intelligence Agency) Press Release. While there are numerous investigations underway, Chief of Security, da Sarge, stated that "Without additional funding and man power, most of the current Grand Jury investigation into allegations of wrong doing by Scoiety members and "temporary guests", will never come to fruition". Da Sarge has requested a special meeting of the executive Committee to review possible taxation (without representation) of the roll, and call membership to fund extensive legal and investigative work deemed necessary to maintain the serenity and peaceful atmosphere of the back 2/3’s that we have all gown to take for granted not realizing that without your Scoiety Security Officer chaos would certainly insue. Next Weeks Game Our 2 and 5 ( 5 and 2 against the spread) Chicago Bears will be on a by week. Therefore as stated in the Bi-Laws the Tailgate Scoiety will meet two hours prior to the Pittsburgh Game. PLEASE NOTE: The Steelers Host the Tennessee Oilers on Sunday. Kick off is at Noon. All Scoiety members will meet at 10:00 AM in the back 2/3’s. As stated in the Bi-Laws, Section 5 b3.2.4, "Scoiety member not in attendance for da Steelers game will be fined $1.00". Be there or be fined. | Da Treasurer’s Report Income: Collection Plate Receipts 9/20/98 $19.00 Collection Plate Receipts 9/27/98 $12.00 Collection Plate Receipts 10/4/98 $16.00 Collection Plate Receipts 10/11/98 $21.00 Collection Plate Receipts 10/18/98 $26.00 Collection Plate Receipts 10/25/98 $31.00 Total Collection Plate Receipts $125.00 Misc. Income da Bears $20.00 da Squares $25.00 da Bake Sale $0.00 da hat Raffle $11.00 Total Misc Income $56.00 Total Income $181.00 Expenses da Bears $11.00 da Squares $13.00 Total Expenses $24.00 Balance $157.00 As you can see, the Scoiety is now operating in the Black. This is due to your hard working officers deciding to give back their weekly salaries. At a closed door meeting the Commissioner, the treasurer and the Sgt. At Arms voted to wait until the end of the Scoieties’ fiscal year to determine a fair and equitable compensation for their efforts. This compensation will be based upon job performance and, more importantly, the balance in the Treasury. Miscellaneous expenses are also not shown on the balance sheet. Money is now being accrued on a weekly basis and all expenses will be paid for at the end of the fiscal year. (For Executive Officers Only) These new accounting practices have been put into place to make the balance sheet look more attractive to our lenders and to you, the Scoiety membership. Hopefully this will put an end to all the negative comments directed at your officers and stop the ridiculous idea of impeachment proceedings (at least until the end of the fiscal year). Treasurers Note: It appears that the Scoieties only additional revenue is being generated via games of chance. I believe, as an executive officer of the Scoiety, Article 1 Section 4 should be amended so that I am not in violation of the Scoieties’ By Laws. Thank You, As Always, For Your Continued Support!!! Treasurer McGah |
Sunday’s Word….Cold, and the Executive Committee Showed Up…Oh My It was a windy, somewhat cold but a great day in the back 2/3 as a record crowd attended the weekly gathering of the Tailgate Scoiety. Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick thought she’d have a trunk party by herself. Actually she looked like a nun dressed up as she was. The last time we saw her she was hovering above Matey’s with her umbrella thinking she was the sky cam taking the overhead shots of the stadium. Unfortunately the Chaplain, Miss B and Me Jude couldn’t make it. I guess Miss B wanted to elope to St. Louis, and Me Jude was going to be the Maid of Honor. Congratulation Mr. & Mrs. Chaplain, and may you have many many more weddings. Mr. Roger made it this week with the Bloody Mary’s. Mr. & Mrs. Pittsburgh stopped by for a Bloody Mary as the Scoiety gathered around the table trying to keep warm. Bard was on assignment from the sexatary taking the pics to be put up on the net. JA thought she show up and take pics of the Sarge. That’s one way to get pics in her wallet. The Cook asked the Commish to commence with the official business of the week. I might say he was quite shy at first, but then he got started and would not stop. We elected a new member to the board…a non pay status member. We thought it would be a good idea to have an Attorney General, I think to ensure that in case of impeachment our three fathers would be represented at an affordable cost. Attorney Tom was voted in. A vote was taken to take the three points, but it did not pass without | a debate. Treas informed everyone that it was in the bi-laws section 5 article b3 "The Scoiety does not bet against the Bears when the Bears are receiving da points". Case closed…we took da points. The Treas was glad to see the Guard Dogs and the Guard show up. The weight of the cash cup is getting quite heavy! Number 87 was voted in as Rookie of the week and the Cook got the Chef of the Week. The treats for this week were da Brats and Sausage, thank you Mr. Roger and Treas, da Swamp Potatoes made a second showing, Scott’s TJ got up at 3:30 to make Zucchini Bread, The Rookie brought some kind of Italian grommet delight with bread sticks and sauce, Bard did a Cream Cheese and Pickle sandwich, and of course we had da chips. We need no chips for a while sport fans. The time keeper said it time to clean up and head to the stadium. Da Game Oh what a night…de ja vu 1985…We beat the Cowboys! And it was fun! Da Cook had to sell the board off so it wouldn’t be a push. We got our numbers, our beer and settled in for a lot of cheering and a whole hell of a lot of drinking. Our hostess Ginger was the mostess as she scampered around keeping everyone’s can full and reminding us there were 12 shopping days left. Someone from the Scoiety was doing a lot of promo-ting cause as we went to the back 2/3 for the half we had new visitors. In fact the Treas requested that more visitor passes be made up for next week. The Stockman made a card for Wild Honey and it was passed around for all to sign. (continued page 2) |
| (Continued)Don’t worry Miss B…Mrs. Pittsburgh ensured you and the Chaplain were on there. Da Bears won, the Scoiety won and the 85 Pom Poms were on the floor. Some strange man who can’t hardly talk rescued the Poms and returned them to Mrs. Pittsburgh. A good time was had by all, but we did miss Mr. and Mrs. Da Coach, the Chaplain and his new bride, and Me Jude.
Stop the Press Late Breaking News Flash Minutes before putting this addition to bed a late breaking story was phoned in to the news room. It appears that Monday Night Football at Matey’s was enjoyed by members of the Scoiety. A quick board meeting was held and voted that da Scoiety should wager $3.00 on three squares on the Monday Night Football Board. At the end of the first quarter, da Scoiety had won and the Treas brought home 25 big ones. As the rule states on the board, winners of the board who are present at Matey’s during the quarter they won would receive a free drink. Da Scoiety requested beers for the high top, but the bartender stated only one beer is awarded. The chaplain got the Becks and an official appeal will be made with the proprietors of the establishment. | Next Weeks Game Our 2 & 5 Chicago Bears (5 & 2 against the spread) will visit the Houston Oilers for a 3:05 PM kickoff. The Scoiety will meet in the back 2/3 at 1:00 PM for Mulligan Stew. The Stockman is bringing the meat and kettle. Scoiety members should bring one vegetable for the stew. Remember the time change is next week, so don’t be late! A discussion will be held as to how much of the 25 big ones we should bet on da Bears Da Classifieds Classifieds Ads submission must be made by Monday noon. To reply to a classified ad please call 1-900-IM A FOOL. Personals In Reply To: I WANT MY BLOWUP BOX c/o the Scoiety I happened to read your touching plea in last week’s Personal section. Please try and understand, I do have feelings also. There were a lot of good times and memories that we shared. However, Blanch is helping me keep a stiff lip. Life on the Domer is not quite the same, but I am getting use to it. Oh the times we did share, but I started feeling insecure when Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick, the little bitch, started hanging out. It seemed you were spending more time with her and ignoring me. Get rid of the bitch and I’ll be back! NN |
Bikers and Bears No Show…Oh My! It’s Sunday and time once again for the Tailgaters’ to meet in the back 2/3’s in hopes of another Bear’s victory.. Unfortunately, it was quite bear for the Bears. Many of the members that were on sabbatical last week made it back for a quiet time. Mr. and Mrs. Pittsburgh had completed there journey and were waiting on Mr. Roger to bring the Bloody Mary’s. Unfortunately, Mr. Roger didn’t quite make it. Once again, the Commish was out of commission. A voice mail was left for him by the Treas requesting his presence. Something about the executive committee and impeachment. The Sarge was on a mission of mercy to Chi Town, and Dave forgot himself and the guard dogs. It was quite a relaxing afternoon. The Treas was on his best behavior, not trying to piss anyone off. Jimmy the Greek McGah was back from his Las Vegas jaunt. He said he learned a lot about odds, point spreads and slots. Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick brought Young, who is of legal age for the Scoiety but didn’t hang out long. Uncle Gerry hobbled in and was wondering if this was the site for the Special Olympics. He though he enter the 440 yard sprint. Mrs. Da Coach was once again adorned in Bear’s attire. Her big smilie face Bear shirt had a frown on it before the day was out, you go Bears! Scott came in uniform and kept things under control since we had no Sarge, guard dog or bikers. I think he was taking it seriously when he told da Coach to drop and give him forty push ups. Miss B decided it was time for official business. | The first item on the agenda was electing a chaplain. It seems some of the executive committee were in need of confession for their lack of participation. The Chaplain’s confessional is open 10 minuets prior to the Tailgate bash for those interested. A nominal donation of a six of Beck’s is most appreciated since he is a non salary board member. The next item of business was the By-Laws. It was mentioned the they are on the net at www.mwinfo.com/tailgate and would be printed next week. However, one of the By-Laws states we can bet on the Bears if we take the points. The vote was unanimous…so our funds are down by 11. The treats this week were once again excellent. TJ’s Scott didn’t want to sleep the night before, so he started making meatballs at 4 in the morning. TJ said to hell with that…I’m going to sleep. Bard started at 8:30 a.m. baking what I found out later to be a delicious Apple Pie. Mrs. Da Coach brought the Potato Salad and Miss. B the Quiche. All in all we filled up this da beer and da treats. The Scoiety voted TJ’s Scott as Chef of the Week and received the badge which he proudly wore on his hat. Sorry Bard, maybe next week. The time keeper said it’s time to roll so clean up was completed and we were off to da Stadium. Da Game We were in pretty good spirits as we entered da Stadium. Mel was quite busy ensuring her fish bowl was adequately filled and reminding everyone there are only 18 more shopping days. The ladies headed for Matte’s Chip (continued page 2) |
| Da Game (continued) and the boys drank, then cussed, drank, then cussed and drank and cussed some more. The one thing the Bears did well was turning the ball over. Unfortunately, the Cards didn’t seem to have that problem, or mind that they were getting the ball in great field position. Personally, I think "Eric the let me put some extra money in my pocket Krammer" is on the take. Maybe we should call them the Chicago Black Bears??? Let’s face it, the game stunk and nobody from the Scoiety won the board. Thank You Fred and Cindy. But that didn’t detract us from our main purpose…da beer. Last Weeks Recipe of the Week Potato Skins (AKA Bears VS. Lions Snack) by TJ’s Scott First you get da Potatoes, the size of a rather large Lions Testicle. Cut in half and nuke em or bake em till almost as soft as a Lion Cub’s Butt. Next garnish with da pigskin, da cheese and da sour cream. Reheat till da cheese is melted and looks like a Detroit Lions Fan Next Weeks Game Our 1 and 5 (almost a perfect season) Chicago Bears will host the Dallas Cowboys. Game time is 4:15 p.m. with the Scoiety meeting in the back 2/3’s at 1:00 p.m. Miss. B and the Chaplain will not be there so we have to fend for ourselves with the treats. The assignment are: da Sarge brings da shrimp, Da Treas brings da filet mignon, da Cooks brings da Swamp Potatoes and da Commish brings himself. Please don‘t forget your assignments! See ya there for da fun, da food, da beer and da game. | Da Classifieds Classifieds Ads submission must be made by Monday noon. To reply to a classified ad please call 1-900-IM A FOOL. Legend: ND = No Dikes, NS = Nightly Sex, DD = Daily Drinker, ISDB = I Smoke, Don’t Breath, PMS= Party Matte’s Sunday, D = Dead, S= Sassy, ISO= Intoxicated Slightly Overnight, H= Has Beans, W= Willing, C = Curvaceous, J = Jerk Personals To whom it may concern: This past summer I became estranged to a very dear, sweet, lovable and cuddleable female friend. We have been together for some time and I take great pride in the clothes she wears. I am having a most difficult time in adjusting and sought the Scoiety’s chaplain for guidance. Through his words of wisdom and after donating a six of Becks to him, I have found that I must be assertive and go after my friend since I know her where abouts. Let it be known that if she is harmed or victimized in any way, the Dommer will go down. Nurse Nancy I Miss You and my life will not be complete till you are by my side, or floating in the water as we have done so much this past summer. If you are the kidnapper, please make your demands known for I have control of extreme wealth, as long as I don’t get impeached, to satisfy you needs. Please reply to I WANT MY BOLWUP BOX c/o the Scoiety. If returned my feelings will be hard once again. |
| Bikers, Boaters and Bears…Oh My! Week 4 of our weekly gathering brought a sleepy eyed crowd seeking tooth picks in efforts to keep eyes open and the hang over unnoticeable. Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick had just a little too much dancing or drinking the night before and wasn’t feeling quite up to par. Anyway the day started with Mimoski’s and coffee cake complements of Miss B and Uncle Gerry. Much of the membership showed up on time except for the executive committee. The Comish was really out of commission, the treasury man was about 40 minuets late and the sarge was blue just knowing that his floating patio was coming out of the pound today. Wild man and wild honey brought their new red toy and thought they get a free wax job from the Scoiety…not! Miss B made it a Kodak moment as she was busy taking pics that will be put on the net at www.mwinfo.com/tailgate. Da Coach and wild man missed try outs last week, so they demanded a one week extension. Wild man was definitely making an impression, at least in the dirt as he dove for da Coach’s pass and wound up nearly under the Sarge’s ride. Uncle Gerry’s biker buddy’s glided in on their Hogs and we all felt safe cause now we had body guards. Dave didn’t make it nor did the guard dog, so at least we had comfort in knowing no Lions fans would crash our party. Cigar man Jimmy was dressed to kill but a little weak with his beer holder that was duck taped together. Michelle Nono got a new coat and blow money from papa. Mrs. da Coach was looking good in her Bears wear and ready to go to the Matey’ Chip where she was going through those quarters. | TJ’s Scott thought he would share his tales of a real bears tailgate party that he never made, but be said last week’s game was great… what he could remember. The cook warmed the goodies to eat and once again they were delicious. The menu consisted of Italian Meatballs with Provolone Cheese, Potato Skins, Cucumber Sandwiches, Monterey Jack and Colby Cheese Chunks, Chips , Coffee Cake and Killer Bees. Uncle Gerry directed Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick to remove the bee hive about 50 yards away. The official business for the day was the vote for Chef of The Week. Nominees were, Bard for the Cuke Sandwiches, TJ for the Skins, and Dip Shit. And the winner was…TJ for her Skins. Uncle Gerry went to reserve the seats needed in the stadium, the time keeper said it’ time to go and the Scoiety was 4 and 0 in the weather department. Da Game The cook made it a few minuets late for the game. By the time he got there the Bears were down 3 zip. The cook blew the blower and the cheerleaders waved the poms trying to keep the our spirits high, No I mean everyone drank beer keeping our spirits high. The game looked like it was going to be tough to win, but somehow we tied it up by half time. As we made our way to the back 2/3’s our sprits needed mo beer. As we made it back to the stadium, we just knew today would be the day. The third quarter was sad, but the forth quarter gave us a lot to drink about. The Bears beat the spread (4 and 1), the Bears won the game ( 1 and 4) and da Coach and treasury man won the boards buying a round for all in the Scoiety. |
| Da Classifieds Classifieds Ads submission must be made by Monday noon. To reply to a classified ad please call 1-900-IM A FOOL. Legend: ND = No Dykes, NS = Nightly Sex, DD = Daily Drinker, ISDB = I Smoke, Don’t Breath, PMS= Party Matey’s Sunday, D = Dead, S= Sassy, ISO= Intoxicated Slightly Overnight, H= Has Beens, W= Willing, C = Curvaceous, J = Jerk Lost & Found Lost Sunday Night 10/04 in the vicinity of Matey’s. One antique blow toy used earlier by the Cook. Very sentimental in meaning. Offering $100,000 reward. Reward donated by The Friends of the Scoiety, M. McGah Treasurer. If found give it a big blow and I’ll come a running. Friends Meeting Friends Executive Type Male just landed lucrative position, in search of sale-priced, sex-starved woman who wants to party! Last seen headed for $5.00 slots. Reply: MMcG 777/$$$ Next Weeks Game Our 4 and 1 (against the spread) Chicago Bears vs. The Arizona Cardinals. Kick off is 3:05 PM. The Scoiety will officially meet in the back 2/3’s at 1:00 PM. If you didn’t get your free beer that treasure man and da Coach bought Sunday…see them this Sunday in the back 2/3’s for your free beer. | Treasurer’s Report Income: Collection Plate Receipts 9-20-98 $19.00 Collection Plate Receipts 9-27-98 $12.00 Collection Plate Receipts 10-4-98 $16.00 Total Income $47.00 Expenses: Officers Salaries* $45.00 Miscellaneous Expenses** $14.00 Total Expenses $59.00 Balance ($12.00) * Commissioner, Treasurer and Sgt. At Arms receive $5.00 per week salary (as explained in the Scoiety By-Laws). ** Miscellaneous expenses under $20.00 need not be itemized and can be authorized by any Scoiety officer(as explained in the Scoiety By-Laws). It appears that the Scoiety is top heavy at the management level, thus causing cash flow problems. In order to alleviate this situation, the officers are considering increasing the weekly collection plate fee from $1.00 to $2.00 per week. Additional revenue generating ideas (riverboat trip, bake sales, etc.) are always welcome. Negative cash flow must be reversed, but not at the expense of the Scoiety’s hard working officers. Thank you for your continued support. Treasure McGah |
| Bears Fall On The First Day of The sky was blue and the sun was shining. You just couldn’t ask for a more perfect day on the first day of fall. And it was on this day the members of our fraternal group met once again in the back forty of Matey’s. We thought it would be a good idea to have a Sergeant of Arms….just in case someone got to rowdy. Joe Brothershead was unanimously elected, and upon completing his acceptance speech he threw everyone out. His trusty guard dog Fred, fiesty protected our scoiety as a Viking intruder tried to make his presence in the back forty. Fred was last seen hanging from the butt of this Viking intruder as he made his way to a more friendly area. Prior to the moment we all await…da food, try outs for the 1998 Bears squad was held. It seemed a likely event since da Bears are in dire need of a team. I think we found a few potential starters as the Commish and the Sarge at Arms combated for "Eric I’m not much of a QB in the second quarter Kramer’s" position. A surprise to all was the try out for linebacker as Mom A took the Sarge out with no problem. Da Coach and Mrs. Da Coach arrived early and got punched, but unfortunately for us had to leave. I know da coach would have loved to try out for "Dave, I’ve been here five years and just can’t figure it out Wannsted’s" head coach job, which I hope will be made available to someone else real soon. Miss B brought the punch and gave it the Treasurer where he collected dues, punched holes and said all the cash is going on red 14. Mom A somehow talked Dave into using his truck and gave us a virtual reality tour of what it is | like driving with her after she has pounded a few beers. It seemed like she just couldn’t get the truck around the beer bottles…she crashed into them. Food for the day was provided by Miss B who made killer Shrimp Kabobs, Miss B’s mom Bard who provided devil eggs, Nurse Nancy’s sidekick and Mom A brought devil eggs and potato salad, and Jo Nono did the Swamp potatoes. A vote was taken for The Chef of the week. Jo NoNo was nominated but said NoNoNo it’s gotta be Mss. B who was then awarded the a badge that will be handed down each week. We would like to thank Mrs. Da Coach for the time and effort in making the badge. Our sponsors, Mr. and Mrs. Pittsburgh enjoyed a Bloody Mary and Uncle Gerry was looking much much better. After a few Becks, a little football and food Uncle Gerry went to the musch pit, I mean Sports Bar, where he saved us some seats. We were blessed to have two of Nurse Nancy’s Sidekick’s employees from the New Buffalo Times on assignment at the Tailgate Party. Thank you AA for allowing all of Harbor Country to know of the Scoiety. If I’m not here next week it’s because my picture will be in the paper and immigration will be on my ass deporting me back to Mexico. The official timekeeper said it’s time to go to the stadium. Clean up was completed but the Treasure had left the cash on the trunk. The Sarge put an APB out and held him in custody. Next week there may be a possible impeachment hearing. I would seriously think about getting advice from Mr. Wagner treasury man One last note. As it was reported to me by a reliable source, The Commish was out of commission! |
| Da Classifieds Classifieds Ads submission must be made by Monday noon. To reply to a classified ad please call 1-900-IM A FOOL. Lost and Found A very attractive and very used blow up doll who goes by the name of Nurse Nancy. Last seen on top of the Domer. If found handle with care, it’s something she’s not use to. Reply MG269. Friends Seeking Friends MW Quarterback thinking of relocation enjoys practice snapping with Center. Very kinky. Seeking 300 lb. SW Center who enjoys same. Reply EK12 DWF Blonde Cheerleader, excellent shape, enjoys drugs, guns and Cowboys. Seeking an athletic supporter from the Dallas area. Reply I forgot 2 Retraction Da Coach did not fall from is stool last week. Mrs. Da Coach kindly asked him to stop flirting so much with "Me" Judy. One For The Books Isn’t it wonderful, our Chicago Bears are 3 wins and 1 loss against the spread. I think that would put them in first place in the Central Division. If only the game lasted 30 minuets we be 4 wins and 0 losses for the season. | Recipe of The Week Bear Tailgate Kabob's You'll need: One lousy bear player (yes, only ONE) Two Green Peppers Two Red Onions One Large Can Chunk Pineapple Cherry Tomatoes 1 Bottle Viva Italian Salad Dressing Skewers First, cut peppers and onions in chunks, steam until tender. Next take bear player and place in hot water, (I'm sure he's used to it). Boil until done. Remove bear player and chop into bite size chunks. (Quarterbacks or Placekickers work best, Running backs and Wide Receivers are too stringy, Defensive players usually too fatty.) Alternate player and veggies on skewer. Place in container, cover with dressing to marinate. Grill to warm. Enjoy! P.S. Pre-cooked shrimp or chicken may be substituted for Bears player in the event that we actually win a game! Update Sunday’s meeting of the 1998 Bears Tailgate Scoiety will be featured in Wednesday, September 29th. Edition of the New Buffalo Times. Way to go Nurse Nancy! Love your employees and thanx! Next Weeks Game The 1998 Bears Tailgate Scoiety will meet at 10:00 AM in the back forty. The Bears host the Detroit Lions with a Noon kickoff. See ya there! |
The Official Newsletter of the 1998 Bears Tailgate Scoiety Volume 1 Issue 1
| Life a Bitch and Then There’s Da Bears The second official gathering of the 1998 Bears Tailgate Scoiety came on a gorgeous September Sunday with 19 die hard fans meeting at the back f Matey’s parking lot for Fun, Food and of coarse da beer. Election of officers was held and the commish became our fearless leader. We must have bee fairly well lit cause Mitch was elected Treasurer. The official membership cards we handed out with Joe Brothershead commenting on the misspelling of the word Scoiety. It was decided that we were not a society, but a scoeity. Joe Nono was delegated the responsibility of manning the grill and Mrs. Pittsburgh took on the task of punching da membership cards. Dues were provided to the treasure, but we don’t have an official count on the funds collected. I did notice that he was buying a lot of rounds in the Sports bar. TJ and company took the honors of Chef of the Week with their tasty seafood delight. Uncle Gerry was somewhat under the weather so he took leave to the TriTowers Station. Mrs. Da Coach tried to hit oil as she attempted to put up her umbrella. I believe it was Doug that came to her aid in getting the umbrella up. The grub…it was excellent. Roger brought killer Brats and Sausage. Joe Nono had the dogs, Miss B had an offering of some sort of hamburger on what seem to be Rye toast. TJ and company provided the Seafood Delight and Taco Dip. Several of the members brought Chips. In fact we probably have enough chips for several weeks to come. The official time keeper, and I think that was Nurse Nancy’s sidekick informed us it was time to get out of the rain and into the game. | Mr. Pittsburgh Gets Demands After several consults with members, the commish informed Mr. Pittsburgh that the 1998 Bears Tailgate Scoiety had a list of demands they felt were necessary to ensure a successful experience would be had by all at future tailgate parties. The list included, but not limited to: electric, port a potty, heat for the winter, a tent and then that was canceled in favor of a building, TriTowers, a paved lot and several others. Mr. Pittsburgh informed the commish that he would take it under consideration and would get back to him sometime during the next millennium. Da Game What can we say…it was UGLY! The sports bar had a god crowd, the bartender was busy, the beer was cold and da coach fell of his chair. It was exciting for about 1 quarter and then there was the reality that they weren’t going to cover the spread, and that was UGLY. Can’t remember much more other than we’re all looking forward to next Sunday. Da Logo I would like to thank Linda from Crete, Illinois for the idea of the masthead. It was after many hours and many beers before the birth of the masthead came about. Next Sunday Next Sundays da Bears will host the Vikings at 3:15. Remember the 1998 Bears tailgate Scoiety will officially meet at 1:00 pm. It’s a BYO, so be there and don’t be square! |